Please note: This series is for entertainment value only, and practical only as a method of comic relief.  Any other interpretation of this “tutorial” is clearly ill-advised.  (It is important to point-out that if you happen to be a closeted ultra-right-wing conservative, you may ignore this warning as your right to engage in this behavior may be protected due to your native cultural heritage, in certain contexts, under California State and local San Francisco ordinance*.)